What Happens When You Ask for Help, Sometimes...

So my cat urgently needs a treatment that will cost $1325 and NO I am not soliciting funds. But I have been going to various funding agencies, trying to get some help to pay this bill. Not good timing, at all. But I won't go into that.

However, HERE is what happens (sometimes) when one starts checking at various "emergency pet funds".

First of all, due to the fact that SO MUCH MONEY was drained out of the American economy directly into the coffers of Halliburton and other Iraq invasion beneficiaries, as well as to individual rip-off CEOS, Wall Street dudes, Bankers and other criminals, MANY pet funds have almost dried up. So cross at least 30% off your list right off the bat.

The few that still ARE accepting requests want the minutae of your life, down to the last detail. It is very invasive, to say the least. I am waiting for someone to ask for my medical file. I am sure that is next. Or a list of every job I've held, for own long, did I quit or get laid off or fired? Or maybe detailed info on my love life?

Some fund reps take advantage of people asking for help by being downright abusive. They figure YOU will take the crap, right, cuz you are desperate? Well, not always. I hung up on one woman today. After about seven minutes of her aggressive, condescending voice, I just could not take another nasally nasty comment. And I really did not want to scream at her. Or no, I really did. Want to scream. But thought perhaps better to hang up than totally burn that bridge (I can always say I lost the connection...).

Some people are touchingly kind. One person, on government assistance, offered $5. I declined. Seriously, I just cannot take money from someone on a fixed income, even if my cat urgently needs this procedure to survive. (RadioIodine treatment for hyperthyroid--the meds were causing serious liver problems and she was taken off them)

But the end result of all this is that it occurred to me that at least in the Boston area, it is really "not done", you know, asking for help. I once asked two city employees to walk me across the BU bridge (half of it, really). I was at the end of my rope due to the abusive pricks at MIT and in the middle of an anxiety attack. Do you know what they did? This lovely man and woman, who probably go to church faithfully every Sunday (or not) laughed at me, and ridiculed my plight.

Fortunately, just as they walked on in their hilarity, a European student on a bike passed by and very kindly stopped to help me.

I know, Boston is full of pricks. Even the Globe has written articles about this. But some of the people I have spoken with this week are from other parts of the country, and also not so nice.

So I am thinking maybe, just for spite, I will start asking people for help. Simple things, like, "Would you mind carrying this heavy bag up the T stairs for me?" Or "Could you tell me where Garden Street is?"

Just for the hell of it. Just to freak people out. I know, I know. In other communities such questions would be considered quite ordinary, and in the case of heavy bags, I would probably not even need to ask.

But around here the policy seems to be "Do it yourself or phoque the hell off!" (a phoque is a seal in French) Last September I must have asked 10 Harvard students if they could check an address of a church on their iPhones before I finally gave up and asked a Haitian cab driver for help (my phone had no internet).

An older Haitian woman had asked ME for help to find the church, where she could get some shoes (hers were completely threadbare). The cab driver kindly offered to drive her to the church, free of charge. But the rich students were just too damn busy (or not, One said "Uh, my reception is not that good" as he clicked through his email).

So here is my plan. Just to stir up some manure and create some excitement, I am going to suddenly turn even more radical! I am going to try EACH and EVERY day to ask someone for help!!! Please don't arrest me for this! I know it is REALLY REALLY STRANGE. But that is my plan. Change the world, one "Could you help me?" at a time.

Finally, The Truth

OK, Everybody, I'm finally going to tell you the Truth!

Rich people are nice. Poor people are lazy. If you don't have health care you just plain don't deserve it. War is necessary to defend our fine democracy, even when the so-called "war" involves invading and occupying sovereign countries and stealing their oil.

If a musician is promoted by the music industry, he or she is a genius and you should adore this person, even though your gut instinct is telling you the music really SUCKS. Do NOT listen to your gut instinct. It is usually wrong. Whatever Madison Ave, TV ads, Campaign promos, the government or anyone else selling ANYTHING says is RIGHT. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT listen to your gut instinct, your inner wisdom or anything else. If you do, you will always be wrong.

A woman cannot be trusted. She is prone to lying and deceit. So if a man, whether he is a famous athlete or a bum on the street, says the sex was consensual, it WAS. Rape is only a fabrication in the minds of some loose women. It happens very very rarely--and then, only in cases when some neutral male witness can corroborate the story of the weak-minded woman.

If you are homeless, it is your own fault. You should have known better than to listen to your banker or mortgage broker. I don't care how earnest they appeared to be or how many stats they pushed at you, YOU should have KNOWN they were lying!

Bail-outs to rich guys, i.e. bankers, wall-street dudes and CEOS, does NOT amount to welfare for the rich, no matter how often you hear these lies from pinko leftists. Tax breaks for these guys also is NOT welfare. They DESERVE these millions! These guys work hard for their money, harder than any janitor working 2 jobs to support her family will EVER work! Even when you see a CEO on vacay in the Bahamas, believe me they are ALWAYS working.

And NO, they are NOT exploiting the poor. If you are poor, it's your own fault, bad karma. Had you had better karma, you would have been born into a wealthy family, gone to the best schools, graduated from Harvard and be running your own company by now. The fact that none of that happened for you MUST mean you were a REAL a-hole in a previous life. So shut up about it!

Let's face it. Males are just generally smarter than women. Didn't Larry Summers, the ex-prez of Harvard make some such statement regarding science and women? Doesn't he work for Obama now? So if he said it, it must be true! And even if he didn't...come on! Why would men talk SO much and SO loudly while so many women sit there and demurely take in all these words if the words weren't truly AMAZING, fascinating and just generally AWESOME, dude?

And as far as global warming or climate change goes, it just doesn't exist. So WHAT if a few glaciers are melting? There are plenty more where those came from. So WHAT if the weather seems to have gotten extremely intense and unpredictable and bizarre these last few years? Blame it on El Nino. Nobody really knows what El Nino is, anyway.

That's my truth-telling for today. More to come.

Cambridge Clones, Ghosts and Marching Bands

OK, So I have tried, I really have, to be more open-minded about the clones who populate Cambridge, MA. I have gone out dancing at Cantab on Thursday night. As long as I focus on the Chicken Slacks (the Thursday band) and my dancing, I'm fine. But the minute a blond Cambridge clone hits me in the head with her elbow and I'm therefore forced to look around to let her know she might want to NOT do that again, to avoid a bar brawl with me, I am dismayed to find that yes of course, the bar is filled with Cambridge clones. It's like some kind of "Village of the Damned" nightmare, vacant eyes and empty gestures with a great soundtrack.

Today I went to Oktoberfest in Harvard Square. Also Honkfest, plenty of small marching bands playing some funky tunes. Pretty good musicians, and WOMEN playing trombone and drums. YAY! But.......somehow even the Allston hipsters strike me as clones, in their own hipster way. Cool funky clothes but no vibe, no feeling, no depth, nothing there.

Someone told me once that the strange thing about people in Boston (which includes Allston and Cambridge) is that, although one can see they are PHYSICALLY occupying space, they actually don't seem to BE HERE at all. So I guess the problem is I am trying to relate to ghosts.

But wait a minute. I do NOT mean to insult ghosts. I lived with one for 15 years in Montreal. He was a sad thin twenty-something man, dressed in WWI army fatigues. When I first saw him, I thought maybe the shrooms from my teenage years were kicking up some dust in my brain, so I didn't mention it to anyone. But then a roommate, somewhat irate, demanded to know why I had not informed her there was a ghost living in my flat. When she described him, yes, it was the same man. And guess what? My ghost friend had MORE depth, more vibe, more gravitas, more LIFE than most of the Cambridge clones. Wow. How weird is that.

Maybe I need to move to Mexico. The people down there have light in their eyes and magic is in the air. Oh, but the police are horrible...that's another story. For now I'm just thinking of a long trip on a train (I love trains, traveling on them, meeting people, watching the countryside roll past) to unknown parts. Even NYC. Just desperately need to feast my eyes on a few REAL people, talk to some really smart NYC cab driver about how the economy is going to totally tank in a few years (this really happened in 2005). And try to erase the image of the sad, empty-eyed Cambridge clones from my brain. Vampire energy suckers, that's what they are. And I am really sick and tired of having my energy drained by these vampire clones. Maybe I WILL start wearing a garlic necklace to protect myself. Or, just move the hell out of Cambridge. SOON!