Finally, The Truth

OK, Everybody, I'm finally going to tell you the Truth!

Rich people are nice. Poor people are lazy. If you don't have health care you just plain don't deserve it. War is necessary to defend our fine democracy, even when the so-called "war" involves invading and occupying sovereign countries and stealing their oil.

If a musician is promoted by the music industry, he or she is a genius and you should adore this person, even though your gut instinct is telling you the music really SUCKS. Do NOT listen to your gut instinct. It is usually wrong. Whatever Madison Ave, TV ads, Campaign promos, the government or anyone else selling ANYTHING says is RIGHT. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT listen to your gut instinct, your inner wisdom or anything else. If you do, you will always be wrong.

A woman cannot be trusted. She is prone to lying and deceit. So if a man, whether he is a famous athlete or a bum on the street, says the sex was consensual, it WAS. Rape is only a fabrication in the minds of some loose women. It happens very very rarely--and then, only in cases when some neutral male witness can corroborate the story of the weak-minded woman.

If you are homeless, it is your own fault. You should have known better than to listen to your banker or mortgage broker. I don't care how earnest they appeared to be or how many stats they pushed at you, YOU should have KNOWN they were lying!

Bail-outs to rich guys, i.e. bankers, wall-street dudes and CEOS, does NOT amount to welfare for the rich, no matter how often you hear these lies from pinko leftists. Tax breaks for these guys also is NOT welfare. They DESERVE these millions! These guys work hard for their money, harder than any janitor working 2 jobs to support her family will EVER work! Even when you see a CEO on vacay in the Bahamas, believe me they are ALWAYS working.

And NO, they are NOT exploiting the poor. If you are poor, it's your own fault, bad karma. Had you had better karma, you would have been born into a wealthy family, gone to the best schools, graduated from Harvard and be running your own company by now. The fact that none of that happened for you MUST mean you were a REAL a-hole in a previous life. So shut up about it!

Let's face it. Males are just generally smarter than women. Didn't Larry Summers, the ex-prez of Harvard make some such statement regarding science and women? Doesn't he work for Obama now? So if he said it, it must be true! And even if he didn't...come on! Why would men talk SO much and SO loudly while so many women sit there and demurely take in all these words if the words weren't truly AMAZING, fascinating and just generally AWESOME, dude?

And as far as global warming or climate change goes, it just doesn't exist. So WHAT if a few glaciers are melting? There are plenty more where those came from. So WHAT if the weather seems to have gotten extremely intense and unpredictable and bizarre these last few years? Blame it on El Nino. Nobody really knows what El Nino is, anyway.

That's my truth-telling for today. More to come.

Three Good Local Boy Bands for Dancing Your Socks Off

So I am going to recommend three good local "Boy Bands", and I am referring to these bands as "Boy Bands" in a futuristic sense. About ten or fifteen or twenty years from now (Good Goddess, will it really take that much longer?) most bands will be fully integrated with women instrumentalists ("Wow, SHE'S a kick-ass guitarist" will be commonly heard) as well as vocalists, and people of all stripes, colors, ages and ethnicities. At that point, a band made up only of men will be an anomaly, and thus called a "Boy Band" as we do now with those very rare "Girl Bands" in existence.

For fun and dancing and virtuoso musicianship when you can catch them, local super group Giant Kings plays Lizard Lounge in Cambridge and other venues. Next chance is Lizard Lounge on St. Paddy's Wednesday and the two Wednesdays following. Really excellent musicians, R&B/Soul covers of tunes previously covered by the likes of the Fabulous Thunderbirds, Wilson Pickett, Elvis Costello, Dr. John and even Frank Sinatra. Tight rhythm section, virtuosity throughout--look especially for Duke Levine's grittier guitar solos and Kevin Barry's slide guitar. And personally, I love the Baritone and Tenor sax riffs. Not to mention Chris Cote's soulful vox and reeeelaxed hosting. Just got to dance!
http://www.lizardloungeclub.com/main.html
To get on a notification email list, contact guitarist/band leader Duke Levine through MySpace. http://www.myspace.com/dukelevine

Thursday nights at the Cantab Lounge in Cambridge, catch another boy band, the Chicken Slacks, with horns, keys and a really great lead singer, Durand "Diamond D" Wilkerson. Be prepared to be squashed by the mostly young college kids, and don't let them knock you right into one of the band's monitors, as almost happened to me one night. This is a very popular weekly Cambridge event. But the set list is great for dancing, and hey, maybe a little squashing is good for your health. Old school soul and R&B, mostly up-tempo, perfect for lifting your spirits on a dreary March evening, or when some girl or guy has really let you down (worked for me, anyway!) http://www.cantab-lounge.com/index.html
Here is their myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/chickenslacks

For outdoor fun during warmer weather, check out The Peasants in Harvard Square. This is Pete Cassani's baby, and he is the writer of some really great tunes, including my favorite, Frat Boy. Listen to the lyrics carefully. They are hilarious, and pretty damned accurate. In The Peasants, lead guitarist Pete always plays with a bass player/back-up vocalist (these days Dave Lieb) and a drummer (varies). Aside from the originals, which range from angry break-up songs to astute (and funny, as in, "you might as well laugh or you'll cry") social commentary, The Peasants do covers of Beatles tunes, Jimi Hendrix, all kinds of great classic rock. And Pete is truly a virtuoso guitarist. I've personally witnessed more than one dazzled would-be rocker asking, "Do you give lessons?". (Yes, he does) Schedule varies, but usually you will find them at The Pit near the Harvard Square T exit on a Friday or Saturday evening, playing always no louder than 80 decibels (Cambridge Arts Council rules...). Occasionally other gigs elsewhere. You can check schedule at http://www.thepeasants.net and from there contact Pete to get on an email list for reminders.

So you see? I'm a feminist, plenty of justified anger at the males of this world (including some men who, like Margaret Thatcher, for some reason LOOK like women). But I can still appreciate good music. Especially when it makes me dance.

Holiday Miracles and of Course at least one Snark

A Few Nice Things Happened Recently—don’t worry, I will be back to my snarky ways really soon. I intend to write a blog about insane therapists, since I just saw yet another nut-case, passing herself off as a healer. Really, that profession should be better regulated.

Here’s my happier stuff. Enjoy it, cuz I guarantee I WILL be back to snarky SOON!

I left my wet laundry in the washer, as I often do, and went shopping at Star Market. When I came back, about 90 minutes later (I got side-tracked, as I sometimes do...) my clothes were washed AND dried. WOW!!! A laundry room good fairy!

My daughter came for Christmas, and after almost six months of refusing to see her in person, she really made an effort! So THAT’S what it takes to get decent behavior???? Just keep saying, no no no no no I can’t see you? I wish someone had told me that years ago.

Anyway, it was nice. We had a great dinner of seasoned pork chops with sautéed apple and onion, rice, rappini, baked sweet potato and Ginger-Spice Christmas pudding with brown sugar sauce and crème anglaise. Seriously! I’m not kidding, and we cooked it all, except for the pudding, which was found at Whole Foods and IS amazing!

I skipped my annual “New Lyrics” pilgrimage to a local religious establishment. “Joy to the World, Our Queen has come! Let earth receive her joy!” I belt out my words pretty loud, offering a nice alternative, I think. “Joy to the World, Mother Nature reigns.” Virgins become “women”, and sin becomes “fun”. Darn I guess I’m kinda sorry I missed this. I always have so much fun—I especially enjoy the glares of the good god-fearing folks around me.

FINALLY a couple of “women-folk-films” after all this crap about women who just love being treated horribly (“Knocked Up”, for example) and movies where everything gets bombed to smithereens and the teenage boys in the audience shout out, “AWESOME!” I went to see the Queen Victoria movie and the Meryl Streep-Alec Baldwin movie, and I enjoyed BOTH of them. So there!

Alec Baldwin may be chubby and have a bad marital history but wow he definitely has got some kinda charisma! I’d accept a date with that man for SURE. I think...

And the roommate I really could NOT stand, one of the most aggressive passive-aggressive obnoxious boy-men I have ever met, left a week ago!!! YAY!!!! I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO GLAD not to have his weird negative button-bushing energy around. Shoulda kicked him out months ago. Oh well, he’s gone, and I am HAPPY for that!

I have been missing someone I really enjoyed hanging out with last summer. It’s pretty special when you finally meet someone you can really connect to, you know? Someone you can tell some weird story to, a story about being a sugar shack tour guide for one day only, for instance, and they will get it, unlike some people, who would simply look at you like you are out of your friggin mind.

Both women movies I saw were really about that. Made me sad, kind of. Even if you can see the roadblocks and potential disasters straight ahead of you, and even if both parties are pretty much clearly off their rockers, it really is NICE to have a truly connecting laugh once in awhile. Especially in Boston, where it seems people are mostly bound and determined to NOT get what I am talking about most of the time.

At the Meryl Streep movie, a few women wanted to get into a fist fight with me, because I was on the phone for a minute. But I was calling the manager to let him know there was a problem with the sound! Instead of letting me explain that I was really trying to HELP, these bitches just got nastier and nastier.

Ooopppssss—well I guess that’s reassuring, isn’t it? I’m back to snarking again, without even trying.

Happy holidays, in any case. At least don’t let the family stuff get on top of you, or the insane buying frenzy. The SUN is coming back!!! That is really what it’s all about.